Is Al-Anon for you?
The following questions may help you to decide whether Al-Anon is for you:
- Do you have a parent, close friend or relative whose drinking upsets you?
- Do you cover up your real feelings by pretending you don't care?
- Does it seem like every holiday is spoiled because of drinking?
- Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking or for what's happening in your home?
- Do you stay out of the house as much as possible because you hate it there?
- Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
- Do you feel nobody really loves you or cares what happens to you?
- Are you afraid or embarrassed to bring your friends home?
- Do you think the drinker's behaviour is caused by you, other members of your family, friends, or rotten breaks in life?
- Do you believe no one could possibly understand how you feel?
- Do you have money problems because of some else's drinking?
- Are meal times frequently delayed because of the drinker?
- Have you considered calling the police because of someone's drinking behaviour?
- Have you refused to attend social occasions out of fear or anxiety?
- Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, all your problems would be solved?
I grew up in an alcoholic family but did not realise it until after my second marriage.
At 15, I became obsessed with a 19 year old man and married him. We were married for 23 years and lived for a while with his alcoholic, abusive father. Two children later and I was still searching for love and attention. My husband, although quite laid back, was not capable of giving me any of these needs and he drank heavily, too. But he was never abusive, only lacking in intimacy and emotion.
Then I met a man who was to become my second husband. He was trouble all the way, and again, an alcoholic. During that 16 year marriage, I found Al-Anon through him finding AA. It had been 16 years of utter trauma and chaos. I knew I had to get out, but again I was totally obsessed about this man and could not let go.
Al-Anon saved my life and my sanity. The first meeting was strange as I thought they would help me to get him to stop drinking. But I kept going back and learned I had to look at myself in all of this. So yes, things have changed for me since Al-Anon. I am not looking for the things I used to look for. I now look after myself and am calmer and more able to be aware of who I meet and how I behave. And most of all, the chaos is my life has gone and I have my own peaceful home . For the first time in my life, I don’t look for anyone or anything else.